Sometimes I forget that as unemotional as he seems, he really does have a soft side.  Watching him tear up  this morning as we said goodbye reminded me that he really does feel things deeply.  It’s also nice to know that he’s sad and will miss us too!

After seeing his plane off, Dian and I went and had morning tea with a friend and did some shopping for doll’s house furniture.  The dolls house was brought in to the lounge room only yesterday, I’ll have to post more on that later when the camera batteries have charged!

I can say that he’ll be gone for Christmas and Dian’s birthday in January.  Sigh.

However… watch this space!  There may be another deployment coming sometime in the future.  The good side is that we have a lot of things done now that needed to be done, and if/when he goes sometime later then we don’t have to worry about them!

We won’t be having any more children. For three years we’ve been trying. I’ve charted, taken my temperature, checked cervical position and fluid, did ‘it’ every cycle at the correct time and in the best position, taken tablets by the dozen, exercised, tried to relax, done acupuncure and Chinese herbs for over three months, abstained from alcohol and soft cheese, given up coffee temporarily, had surgery to make sure nothing was wrong, been poked, prodded, discussed, advised and for what? Nothing. In three years we have not conceived once.

I’ve been thinking for a few months that it was time to stop. I can’t keep on living my life in four week slots of time. I had planned to continue the acupuncture and herbs for another two cycles, however with Eddie deploying there’s no point. So this is it.

There isn’t going to be a baby. I’m never going to be pregnant again.

Recently, I didn’t go to church because I couldn’t face seeing pregnant women there. At work recently I left a morning tea, where a co-worker had brought in her newborn baby, and cried in the ladies because I knew that it was never going to be me.

There isn’t going to be a baby, I’ll never be pregnant again.

The good side of it: by the time he gets back - in time for Christmas - we’ll be out of debt except for the mortgage and the margin lending account. Yay!

The money doesn’t make up for not having him here, but at least it’s something!

Now I can go and plant the trees out into the half wine barrels instead of leaving them in pots in case we had to move them!

Several years later, I realised that the cake was actually a form of Sourdough, and I’d been making sourdough bread for years. I had been searching the internet for a friendship cake recipe similar to the one I had as a teenager, and finally found one. I’ve changed this one drastically from the original recipe I found, however this tastes just like I remember the one in my teenage years did.

Click here for the recipe

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