And now he’s not being deployed…

There’s an old saying in the military that goes “Greatcoats on, greatcoats off” meaning that decisions change constantly.  And that’s what’s happened here.  With only four days to go, Eddie’s deployment has been cancelled.

However… watch this space!  There may be another deployment coming sometime in the future.  The good side is that we have a lot of things done now that needed to be done, and if/when he goes sometime later then we don’t have to worry about them!

Easiest Short Rows ever!

I just found the BEST tutorial for knitting short rows.  http://www.cocoknits.com/info/tutorials/shortrows.html It’s the simplest, easiest way ever, and looks great!

The end of a dream

It’s strange, I’ve been mentally writing this post for a few weeks now and I always thought that I’d be in tears and upset while writing it. Now that I’m actually doing it, I feel almost numb. The last few weeks have been a grieving process, and for now it’s over.

We won’t be having any more children. For three years we’ve been trying. I’ve charted, taken my temperature, checked cervical position and fluid, did ‘it’ every cycle at the correct time and in the best position, taken tablets by the dozen, exercised, tried to relax, done acupuncure and Chinese herbs for over three months, abstained from alcohol and soft cheese, given up coffee temporarily, had surgery to make sure nothing was wrong, been poked, prodded, discussed, advised and for what? Nothing. In three years we have not conceived once.

I’ve been thinking for a few months that it was time to stop. I can’t keep on living my life in four week slots of time. I had planned to continue the acupuncture and herbs for another two cycles, however with Eddie deploying there’s no point. So this is it.

There isn’t going to be a baby. I’m never going to be pregnant again.

Recently, I didn’t go to church because I couldn’t face seeing pregnant women there. At work recently I left a morning tea, where a co-worker had brought in her newborn baby, and cried in the ladies because I knew that it was never going to be me.

There isn’t going to be a baby, I’ll never be pregnant again.

He’s deploying

Eddie is deploying for 3 1/2 months, leaving in 12 days, the 2nd Sept. Not a lot of notice, so he’s going to be VERY busy the next two weeks.

The good side of it: by the time he gets back – in time for Christmas – we’ll be out of debt except for the mortgage and the margin lending account. Yay!

The money doesn’t make up for not having him here, but at least it’s something!